Paleo and Pregnancy

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This last December I was wasting time looking for inspiration on Pinterest, when I stumbled across some corny fitness motivation e-card.  I can’t recall what it actually said – something funny and creative I am sure – but the gist of it was “If you woke up tomorrow and realized you’d fast forwarded through ten years with nothing changing, what would you be the most disappointed about?”

And because while I don’t usually have resolutions, I usually have themes for the year I’d like to focus on it got me thinking.  What would I be upset about?  Not quality of life.  We’re fortunate enough to both have jobs, live in a nice house, travel, drive cars that work.  While I’d always be happy with more travel that is more an offshoot of America’s policy on personal benefits than quality of life.  I honestly don’t want a bigger house or nice cars or more stuff.  In fact, we’re working hard on reducing our stuff.  My marriage is stable (which, thank god, we’ve worked our asses off to get here.)  I have two great kids.  My family grounds me and makes me feel whole.

So what then?  And it hit me.  You know what would suck?  Waking up ten years from now and realizing then I spent another decade hating my body.  That every time I looked in the mirror I found something wrong instead of the many things right.  OK.  Found my new development goal.  The next steps sure seem harder though.  I would love to wave the magic wand that changes that behavior.

My guess is that I’ll spend the next little while unpacking that one.  But, my firm belief is that when you put a statement like “I want to love all of myself” out into the universe, you get exactly the work that should help you with it.  Enter my third pregnancy.

With The Bee I gained nearly 70 pounds.  With Posie 40.  I was not active in either pregnancy either.  And with both I had to work hard to get back to a healthy weight.  And with both I hated my body a little more at the end of it.  With the Poser, I made a switch to Paleo.  (Disclaimer, I don’t think this is right for everyone.  Nor do I think I am truly eating with Paleolithic humans did.  They probably didn’t have access to canned coconut milk.  Just saying.)  And for the first time in years I felt great.  My joints hurt less, my skin was more clear than it had ever been.  I wasn’t bloated and gassy.  I had no idea just how much my stomach hurt all the time until I started that diet.

After nearly 1.5 years of following this eating plan (admittedly off and on) I’m pretty certain I have an allergy to both gluten and dairy.  Oh Pizza.  Pizzzzzzaaaaaaa.  But, despite knowing this.  Despite feeling like I am poisoning myself when I eat gluten or dairy (or in the case of pizza, both at the same time), I will have months where I do.  And I feel terrible.  And like my reflection less.

I’m pretty committed to following Paleo this pregnancy.  I’d like to both nurture my body as well as my heart – the emotional one that is.  So I’m trying to branch out into substitutions of things I miss while eating strict gluten/dairy free.  This weekend I’ve made – greek egg scramble ‘cupcakes’, roasting a whole chicken, bread in the oven, ‘granola’ and the piece de resistance (pretty sure I butchered that one) – Bacon Mayo.  Heaven.

I have a problem

I have an ongoing problem.  I love the idea of blogging.  Writing for writing’s sake is something that has always brought me peace.  Something about setting words to paper slows my ever frantic mind down to a pace that is restful.  I cultivate presence in writing.  Not to mention it speaks to my specific blend of introversion.  Social interactions are so exhausting, but I crave contact.  I get lonely without it.

So: blogging.  Perfect hobby for me.  But, I get caught up in the details.  The blog needs a theme. Images.  Followers.  If I start a blog about running (which was the original start of this particular one), I can’t talk about diet.  Or mommying.  Or work.  Or…my whole life.  And there are so many blogs on all of those topics.  What have I to offer.

My 2013 resolution though is to cultivate presence.  To work on staying more in the moment.  To do more of the things I like doing.  To do less of the things that don’t add to my joy.  I’ve spent so much of my life looking ahead that I’m a little afraid I’ve forgotten to enjoy the life I have this very moment (see the aforementioned frantic brain.)

And now it’s been a year since my last post.  Almost exactly.  Posie is almost 2.  The Bee is 6.5.  We’ve moved away for the time being, I don’t run much, I do crossfit.  I’m pregnant again.  See, no matter how much you look forward, life happens under your feet.

So, here I am.  Without a purpose.  This isn’t a running blog, or a fitness blog.  It’s just my life.  Written for no other purpose that this year I want to work on my demons.  I want to find out what drives me so quickly forward so I can stop every so often to appreciate exactly where I am.